ties to humanity
by NotWritingAnymore
Summary: because even the worst of people have things that remind them that their still human. things that pull at the frayed, rusted strings of thier hearts. warnings: depiction of rape, bits of fluff, slight kakuzu/hidan. rated just to be safe
1. Chapter 1

A/N: for some odd reason the idea of Hidan being abused like this has been floating around in my head for a while. The boy's may be a little OC with how I have them reacting to the subject of rape, and emotional attachment; but I still think it came out well. I own only the plot not the characters.

000

Hidan lay on his bed in his room at the akatsuki headquarters. On his stomach arms folded under his head, chin resting on them; staring at the clock that hung on the wall across from the end of the bed. He was counting the little 'ticks' it made watching as it rounded on another minute; taking the current time to seven-forty at night. Seventy-thousand-eight-hundred seconds of the day had past, only fifteen-thousand-six hundred to go.

Sighing Hidan looked away from the clock and stared blankly down at the deep red bed spread. 'Only four and a half more hours and the day will be over…' he thought to himself. Letting out a deep sigh he closed his eyes. His mind began to wonder; wonder back to his thirteenth birthday. Thirteen was the age when those who followed Jashin could be named a high priest, and Hidan had been lucky enough to be chosen by the other high priests of his temple.

_A silver challis filled with a deep, dark thick liquid. Bitter and burning over his tongue and down his throat._

_Things get fuzzy; scratchy…dark, completely black._

_Cold, bare skin. Bound, unable to move. Voices, talking around him. Eyes open, blurry human shapes loom above. Laughter, dry and bitterly mocking._

Hidan shuddered as he tore his eyes open, trying to banish the memories from him mind. 'Only five and a half more hours….'

Kakuzu looked over at his partner from the corner of his eye. For the past hour and a half he had been sitting at his desk in their room; punching numbers into his calculator and checking them against numbers from his check book, and account books. And for the past hour and a half Hidan hadn't bothered him; had barley said a word.

But it didn't surprise him. Every year—or at least for the three he had known the man—Hidan would get this way on his birthday. It was the one day of the year the other man wasn't annoying and obnoxious. He would just mope around all day and stare at the clock for hours. It even affected his precious rituals; he still did them, but it seemed like he rushed through them—wanting to be done with it as soon as possible. No one knew why; not even Deidara and he was—for lack of better words—Hidan's best friend.

'What the hell gets him in such a damn rut every year?' turning to look at his partner he noticed the hollow, beaten look in his pink eyes. A look that Kakuzu couldn't remember ever seeing there before. "Hey, Hidan what's the matter with you?"

The hollow look left Hidan's eyes immediately and was replaced by annoyance. Sitting up the brooding male turned on his partner. "What makes you think something's wrong with me?" he snapped out. "And even if there was something wrong what makes it any of your fucking business?"

"Damn, don't get all pissy…you've been acting like a freaking comatose all day the same way you do every year," Kakuzu stated turning around in his chair to look at the younger man directly.

_Bare, naked, exposed._

Emotion flickered in Hidan's eyes before being buried in the harsh pink depths. "It's none of your goddamn business!"

Rolling his eyes Kakuzu stood up. He wasn't in the mood for Hidan to be acting like an annoying brat. 'Why did I bother to ask? I should have known it would just shove whatever stick is up his ass up there a little further.' Picking up his account book he made his way around the bed and to the door. His hand was on the knob and he started to turn it when—

"Wait…"

Hidan watched Kakuzu get up and head for the door. He bit his lip as he watched the older man turn his back on him. He had kept things to himself for ten years. Had let the memories haunt him for ten long years. And he hated that here he was an s-class criminal, a serial killer, a member of one of the baddest organizations in existence; and yet he was weak enough to be haunted by memories of something that had happened a decade ago.

"Wait…"

He hated that on his birthday—the anniversary of it all— he couldn't keep the memories at bay, and that with them they brought up emotions he had long tried to forget he had.

He hated that it made him feel human, nothing more than one of the mortals he so easily kissed.

TBC.

A/N: okay just a short beginning kind of nothing more than a little drabble at this point. Sorry if Hidan and Kakuzu are really out of character so far…. More detail in the next chapters.


	2. Chapter 2

"Wait…"

At hearing his partner speak up Kakuzu took his hand off the door and turned around to look at the younger man. He was sitting up on the bed, his back to the door. Kakuzu leaned against the door crossing his arms over his chest as he waited for Hidan to continue.

"It was my thirteenth birthday. I had been studying at the temple of Jashin for over three years, and thirteen was the age when you could be chosen for the position of High Priest. And I got picked."

"Hmm, seems like that would be a good thing," Kakuzu stated so far not very impressed as to why this would make the younger man hate his birthday so much.

"It was supposed to be…"

_Deep colored liquid swirled in the silver challis that the older High Priest—a man in his late twenties— held out to him. "Drink it. For your God." _

_The challis was heavy in the young teen's hands. The liquid was warm as it passed over his lips. Then bitter on his tongue, and scorching as it slipped down his throat._

_His body felt heavy... vision hazy and out of focus. Dizziness in large waves the challis slipped from his grip to clatter to the floor. Darkness on the edge of his vision; tainting it like a drop of ink in water. Consuming more and more till there was nothing but darkness._

"The ceremony went as planned; all the prayers and rituals. The Head Priest gave me my crucifix and blessed me. I was congratulated by everyone and told that I would definitely make Jashin proud… Then later some of the other High Priests pulled me aside. Said they had something for me, something that only High Priests could have…"

At this Kakuzu cocked an eyebrow. "Oh, and what was it?"

"Blood wine. Fermented blood and pomegranate juice, but they put something else in it… a drug that disoriented me and made me pass out. And when I woke up…"

_Stripped of all his clothes the cool air of the room teasing his pale, smooth youthful skin. Bound on his back to something hard and cold, limbs still unresponsive do to the drugs that had found their way into his veins. His eyelids felt like lead as he struggled to open them._

_Blurry fuzzy human forms loomed over him. Their voices were distant, like they were on the other side of a thick plane of glass. Then touches._

"They had stripped me…and tied me down. I was still disoriented and weak from the drug so I couldn't free myself." His voice hitched and if Kakuzu didn't know the idea was preposterous, he would have thought Hidan was crying.

Kakuzu could tell where the story was going but prompted any way. "And…then what did they do." He saw a shiver run up Hidan's body.

_Warm hands running over his cooled skin. Spreading his thighs, touching places that were most intimate. Hazy pink eyes opened wider as realization dawned. He tried to struggle; failed miserably and was merely laughed at. _

_Hands caressed his body's most sensitive places; pin-prick tingles spread from the contact. Warm hands seaming to become scorching as he was molested by the men he had trusted; had thought of as family._

"They…did things to me, touched me…," Hidan shut his eyes tight desperately trying to fight the emotion that was try to pry it's way to the surface. Fought fiercely to make the prickle of tears behind his eyes go away. "They touched me…raped me…"

_The painful feeling of being split in two, filled beyond what he thought was possible. Lips on his stomach, his chest, nipples; sucking on his necking, surfacing deep bruises. Hot breathe on the abused flesh, then his ear saying things Hidan couldn't—didn't want to—hear. But never his face, his lips. _

_The steaming breathes came faster, then fire. Blazing from inside his most personal regions; burning him to the very core. Then emptiness….only for a brief moment. Being split again, pain ripping through him worst then the first time. _

_Crying he could hear crying. Like a lost child looking for their loved ones…. It took his fractured mind a moment to realize that he was the one crying out._

"They raped me so many times…I blacked out a couple times and lost count," he took a deep breath, managing to will the wetness in his eyes away. "I left the temple as soon as I could. It was about a week later, because I had to heal. And… and I never told anyone…until now."

Hidan was silent waiting to be called a wimp, a pussy, a weakling. And he wouldn't be surprised if Kakuzu laughed at all for it. 'I deserve it… it happened ten years ago and I still can't get over it. I'm such a damn pussy…'

When no response came in verbal form he thought that maybe Kakuzu had managed to slip out before he had finished his story. Rage boiled up inside Hidan at that thought. 'I spill my darkest secret and he just takes of the nerve of that bastard!'

Hidan's fists clenched in the bed spread as his anger started to still over. Then it began to melt away as something he had never expected to happen happened.

He couldn't help but lean back numbly into Kakuzu as his partner embraced him from behind.

TBC.

A/N: okay… so that last little part at the end reeaaaly out of character on Kakuzu's part, I know. And Hidan almost crying, also very out of character…but hey the guy is still human!


	3. Chapter 3

"They raped me so many times…I blacked out a couple times and lost count," Hidan took a deep breath, managing to will the wetness in his eyes away. "I left the temple as soon as I could. It was about a week later, because I had to heal. And… and I never told anyone…until now."

Kakuzu's body went rigid, tense with anger. Hidan's story played over in his head like some kind of demonic broken record. '_They put something else in it… a drug that disoriented me and made me pass out…. They had stripped me…and tied me down…. They touched me…raped me….. They raped me so many times…. never told anyone…until now…_' It played over and over in a sequence so fast he wasn't sure how he managed to follow it.

Kakuzu had lived for nearly a century, and had committed countless and despicable crimes. But the one crime he had never sunk low enough to commit was rape, and he never for the life of him would. Rape was something he just couldn't stand; it was horrid and despicable—even by his standards. But the main reason he hated it so much was because of something from his childhood.

He had been twelve, had just graduated from the ninja academy and it had been on one of his first missions. They—him and three older nin—had been sent on a mission to retrieve information about a plot against their village from enemy nin. It had been simple enough, they had found their targets easy enough and had captured a young kunoichi and were going to extract the information from her.

But the interrogation had not gone as planned. The kunoichi had been stubborn and refused to give them anything, but the older men in the squad knew just what to do. And what they had done. A shiver worked its way up his spine at the memory.

The older men had held her down and beaten her mercilessly. They torn away her clothes and sodomized the poor woman with a number of wretched things; tearing her apart from the inside. They took turns raping her and asked several times if he wanted to join them. All Kakuzu had been able to do at such a young age was watch from the sidelines in horror and mutely shake his head 'no'.

Kakuzu had never seen such horrid things done to another person and had a hard time not running away. He wanted to run find someone—anyone—that would make his teammates stop their unholy torture. But he had merely stood in the shadows and watched trying desperately to keep the tears that wanted to run down his youthful face at bay. Something like that—shinobi or not—was something no twelve year old should be forced into seeing.

After several hours of this demonic torture the woman had cracked. Her undying loyalty to her village forgotten in her misery and hell. She told them everything and begged them to stop; each one of the men had taken one last turn raping her before her pleas were met. After that the older shinobi had left telling Kakuzu to watch the women—one of saying he could have some fun with her if he wanted—while they returned to the village and reported what they had found.

Kakuzu had nodded numbly his eyes never leaving the crumpled, broken form of the women on the ground in front of him. Once they were gone the young boy had sank to his knees and wept for reasons he didn't quite understand. After his eyes were puffy from crying and he had dried his face he walked up to the woman and knelt down next to her. She had spoken to him and he had never been able to forget her words.

"You cry for me…but you stand there and do nothing…" her voice had been shallow, raw. "You have no right to cry for me…doing nothing to prevent it is as bad as doing it yourself." Kakuzu had known she was right and more tiers had slipped from his eyes. The woman was quiet for a moment before speaking again.

"Kill me," the request was simple. Something that—even at his young age—Kakuzu had done many times before; and had never hesitated to do. Never until now. He loved to kill, he couldn't deny it. He loved the expression on someone's face right before they knew they were going to die; loved to watch the life—the spark— fade from their eyes. But looking down at the honey colored eyes of the woman he could see it was already gone.

The will for life had long sense left her eyes; leaving nothing more that shallow orbs of dull color. This woman was already dead. All she wanted was for Kakuzu to make her physical state match that of her mental. And he had.

He had said he was sorry—something he rarely said even to those closest to him. And had killed the all ready dead woman.

Kakuzu's eyes snapped open— he couldn't remember closing them—to the sound of cloth shifting and he looked to the bed to see Hidan clenching the bed spread tightly in his fists. Hidan, his partner—his Hidan—had been put through that hell. Had been killed on the inside, broken the same way that poor nameless woman had been. And had managed to keep living of ten years.

Kakuzu was moving before he knew what he was doing. Walking around behind the bed—behind Hidan—kneeling down on it and pulling Hidan to him from the back. Hidan leaned back against him as if in a stupor.

"I'm sorry," He whispered in a husky voice. "I'm sorry," he said again not such what other words would fit. Hidan seemed to except this relaxing against him some. Reaching up with one hand he cupped Hidan's face and made him turn his head to look over his shoulder at him. With his other he reached up and pulled down his mask.

He kissed Hidan softly, just a gentle meeting of lips. Kakuzu heard Hidan's breath hitch then the younger man turned toward him more, and pressed his mouth firmly to his partners. Lips opening and inviting Kakuzu's tongue inside. Seeking something to anchor him in the sea of emotion he was lost so badly in.

Whimpering—and not even caring—pink orbs shut tightly as tears that had been held back for ten long years finely found their release.

TBC.

A/N: well there you have it… I know Kakuzu and Hidan were very OOC at the end… but I don't care! I like the way it came out. One chapter to go should be up tomorrow probably.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been a week sense Hidan's confection about being raped. After he had told his story and Kakuzu had comforted him they had made love. Not fucked, but actually made love. It had been slow and genital absent of the pain Hidan normally begged for. No, it had been just what Hidan had needed to help him start to forget the scorching hands that had stolen so much for him.

A week had passed and they hadn't spoken a word about it to one another. Not that Hidan was looking to strike up a conversation about it, 'hey you remember last week when I told you I was raped and then we made love like pussies.' Yeah, he didn't think so. But he didn't want to pretend like it hadn't happened either. Hidan wasn't exactly happy about crying like a baby on the older man's shoulder like he had, but he knew now that telling someone and letting out the feeling he had kept bottled up for ten years was part of the healing process.

Telling Kakuzu had meant something to Hidan. But from the way his partner was acting he wasn't so sure it had been the same for the older man. In the last week Hidan had spent less than three hours with the man—total. Kakuzu was coming back to their room late at night, and would usually be gone when Hidan woke up. He returned to their room sometimes during the day, but was never there for very long. Hidan saw the other man around the headquarters sometimes, but it always seemed like he was busy with something. And he left the headquarters many times without explanation and had even talked Pain into pushing back their next mission.

Hidan wasn't sure what Kakuzu was up to but he was most defiantly very curious as to what it was. He would find out about a week and a half later.

"Hey Hidan-san, I think something's here for you un." Deidara said as he approached his friend in the library. Hidan raised a slender silver eyebrow.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He questioned setting down the bible he was reading—it was odd for one religion to have so many different ones.

"I was just outside, un. And there was like this big bird out their; it's got that mark on its back," as he said this the blonde pointed to Hidan's crucifix. Hidan blinked in surprise. 'One of the temples messenger birds? But why?' not saying anything to the other man he got up and headed to the front entrance of the compound.

Sure enough waiting outside was a large Griffon Vulture with the Jashin symbol painted on its back. Upon noticing the human the big bird squawked and ruffled its feathers. Gliding from its perch in a nearby tree it landed on the ground in front of him. Kneeling down Hidan inspected the bird and found just what he thought he might. A letter was attached the birds ankle. Removing it he stood and unrolled it reading the neat hand writing slowly.

His hands clenched into fists around the letter nearly tearing it in two. Eyes darting over the paper again to read it twice, three times before he was sure of what it said. He was so dazed by what he had just read he didn't notice as the large bird squawked at him several times before flying away.

"What did he do…"

Hidan sat patiently on his bed in his room waiting for his partner to return. It was nearly midnight before the door opened and Kakuzu stepped in quietly, trying not to wake his partner—who he assumed would be asleep. As soon as he closed the door however, the lamp on the bedside table clicked on to reveal Hidan sitting cross legged on his bed wide awake and waiting.

"You're up late. You should be asleep," Kakuzu said as he sat down on his bed and took off his shoes.

"I got a very interesting letter from my old temple today," Hidan stated matter-o-factly. "It turns out four of the temples High Priests were murdered this morning."

Kakuzu removed his clock and mask, pulling the hood over his head and shaking out his hair. "Oh really is that so." The older man said with mock surprise. Shuffling could be heard as Hidan got up from his bed and walked the short distance to the others.

Kneeling down behind Kakuzu, Hidan draped his arms over the larger mans shoulders and rested his chin on Kakuzu's shoulder. "How did you find them?" the immortal asked curiously.

"Oh, well it wasn't easy, but I managed to pick the right brains and find out where to start looking. Once I had a few good candidates I decided to have a little chat with them. They cracked rather easily…given the right incentive," Kakuzu's expression didn't change, but you could hear the smirk in his voice as he added. "I have to admit I was rather disappointed. I was hoping they would be immortal like you."

At this Hidan raised an eyebrow. "Oh and why's that?"

"Because then I could have done something like… dismember them and bury them alive." Hidan chuckled and moved his head from Kakuzu's shoulder to smirk against the back of the older man's neck.

"Yes that would have been a most fitting end," he said. Nuzzling the back of Kakuzu's neck until the hair was out of the way he bit the sensitive skin there gently. "Thank you…" he muttered and kissed the tan skin.

Kakuzu just gave a small smile and grabbed Hidan's arms. "You're welcome. And I know just how you can pay me back." In one swift movement he had pulled Hidan over his shoulders and had the younger man pinned to the bed. "That sex we had last week was way to mellow… I think you should make it up to me."

"Oh," Hidan said with a very wide grin. "I can definitely do that!!"

FIN.

A/N: and there you have the last chapter! Or do you… if you ask nice I may put up one shots that give you the lemon for the end of this chapter and from when they—as Hidan put it—"made love like pussies" mentioned at the beginning. But only if you're nice and give me reviews!


End file.
